liebster award.

so i was nominated for this award by one of my favorite bloggers in the history of ever, miss mandi. please go read her blog because it's a gem and it usually makes me cry or chuckle or feel very content. & it's splendid.

so apparently the rules of this ordeal are that i must post eleven facts about myself, then answer the questions asked of me, then ask 11 questions of my own for the kiddos i nominate. i hope i can manage. here we go.

eleven things you might not have known about me.
1. i love to bake & i bake best in the middle of the night.
2. i have an over abundance of socks.
3. i am the most introverted extrovert ever.
4. i lived in california for 9 years of my life.
5. i am a perfectionist and it's a horrific blessing.
6. i am most afraid of being forgotten or left behind.
7. i am known at school as the girl who wears quirky pants and sings well.
8. i am writing a book about my life and i plan to be buried with it.
9. i leave notes of encouragement and love in random lockers, just in case people are going through a rough time.
10. i struggle with depression & i hate when people talk to me about it.
11. i am obsessed with star wars.



miss mandi's questions.
1. if you could meet any author, past or present, who would it be?
i think sharon creech. her books got me through my early teenage years. i moved 3000 miles from home at age 13 and had to deal with some pretty rough family situations. whenever i would start crying i would pull out Walk Two Moons or Love That Dog and cry my heart out. the pages of my books are still stained with those tears. honestly her style of writing is just so real. with all that was going on in my life i was becoming so numb to all the pain, and reading her books made me feel. in every aspect of the word. and i love her for it.
(by the way here's a list of her books that i really love in case you're interested, which you probably aren't but who cares: Chasing Redbird, Heartbeat, Love That Dog, Replay, Ruby Holler, and my favorite of favorites, Walk Two Moons.)

2. what is your patronus? please explain in two or three sentences.
koala bear (or so my friends tell me). always sleepy, always eating, loves to snuggle and great with hugs. also very motherly and taking care of anyone i can "fit into my pouch."

3. favorite time of day & why?
mid-day.
i don't really know why. perhaps it's because lunch is my favorite meal. perhaps it's because my life began in mid-day (i was born around 1:30 pm). i don't really like mornings, and i'm always tired in the evening... i guess mid-day, when the sun is shining it's brightest, is when i feel most alive. and feeling alive is always a good thing.


4. what is your favorite thing to do by yourself?
i like to pray.
i also like to cry, although the two usually go hand in hand.
my life has been a real struggle for the past year. and whenever i'm alone, i try and refocus on what's most important. i thank my heavenly Father for staying with me throughout my trials. i pray for those whom i love. i pray that i would have a greater ability to forgive. i pray that my heart and my body would heal. i pray that God wouldn't let me die. because when life is as hard as it is, i wish i would. and i pray that no matter what happens, i would always remain in the love of my Father.

5. crayons, colored pencils, or markers?
crayons, hands down. crayola crayons. i have more crayons than any person my age should have. my father and i share a love for the smell of a fresh box of crayons. we rated it one of the top smells in the world, along with the smell of autumn, the smell of freshly baked cookies, and the smell of old people. i once bought him crayons for his birthday, the big box with 64 assorted colors. we used to play a game when i was little where we would try to list all the crayon colors in the box. after a while we memorized all 64. it was great. crayons are great.

6. favorite quote & what it means to you?
oh goodness. i have SO many favorite quotes, it's really difficult to choose one.
but there's one that's my background right now, so i'll share that one with you.

"because there's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away. -Sarah Kay

this quote reminds me of unconditional love. it reminds me of how stubborn i am. it reminds me how i refuse to be loved by anyone. and it makes me wish that someday i'll meet someone who'll be persistent. who won't give up on me. who'll try to break down the walls i've put up from being hurt so many times. who'll keep kissing me even though i push him away. who'll keep loving me even when i'm old & wrinkly. because really there is nothing as beautiful as that kind of love.

7. if you could meet anybody in the blogging world who would it be? (please leave a link.)

honestly most of the people i adore in the blogging world are from utah, and they all know each other. it's delightfully creepy. but i'd really love to meet miss mandi. because i have a feeling we'd get along quite well. also, i'd be enchanted to meet ruthie von. & perhaps to sing a duet with her because her voice is charming.

8. what do you want to name your first child?
William Terrance. after both my grandfathers.

9. what is your "go to" comfort food?
corn bread & chili.

10. who is your hero & why?
demi lovato.
i just find her so inspiring.
to go what she went through, and on top of that to go through it in front of the entire world.
it's hard for me. i struggle. i don't want people to know, i don't want to talk about it. i imagine she felt the same.
so when her problems surfaced, when millions of people knew about it, i can only imagine how hard it must have been.
and then for her to come back even stronger. for her to be able to move on, to learn from the pain, to be able to still love, to be able to be herself.
personally, i just admire her so much. not as a singer or actor, but as a person. as someone who has been through something so difficult and still came out on top. 


11. what is your favorite family tradition.
around christmas time, we bring a billion pillows & blankets into the car, grab some hot chocolate & marshmallows, blast the heat & the christmas jingles, and drive around to look at christmas lights. some times we see some pretty great decorations, sometimes we don't. but i just love the feeling of being together, it feels so safe & warm. it's my favorite.

my 11 questions.
1. do you collect anything? if so, what?
2. what song describes your life right now?
3. what is your favorite season?
4. favorite starbucks drink?
5. what is your favorite part of your room?
6. is there anything in your life you are unsatisfied with? how could you change that?
7. what do you believe in?
8. what was your favorite fairytale as a child?
9. do you have any obsessions?
10. describe to us your dream date.
11. share some good reads with us (can be blogs, books, poems, whatever.)

my 11 nominees. (nominees is a funny word.)
1. ruthie von. i really enjoy your blog & everything you write. we could be friends.
2. bon bon. your style of writing is just all kinds of awesome. your little guy is also really cute.
3. michal. i stumbled across your blog by chance & it's been a delight to my reads ever since.
4. rebecca. you darling thing you. i enjoy your friendship & your blog.
5. susie. bestest friend. i'm writing you a letter today. i award you for your brilliance.
6. lexi hill. you are just really cute. you deserve to be awarded for it.
7. morgee. hello big sissy. i'm nominating you because i love you. 
8. ashley. i love love love your blog. & i love little hudson! everyone go follow her, it's a must.
9. han & mal. your blog is my favorite. it's so refreshing & i adore it.
10. rachel. you and your baby and your blog, it's just all around precious.
11. emma. words can't express my adoration of your blog & your face. that was creepy & we'll move on.


phew.
i finished.
that only took a couple months to do.
now you nominated folks get to do it.
have fun!


all my love